Single Seeing Double: Together We are Two


I saw on Facebook something my former Assistant once text to me that went like this: People ask me, “Why are you single?  You’re attractive, intelligent and creative.”  My reply is “I’m overqualified”.

I like this saying.., I think it’s funny but didn’t think it was truly me.. This is where one could say “But Cynthia, you are not single, you are in a relationship for one year with a wonderful, handsome and caring man”.  Yes, I am and yes I am also single but then I ask myself what defines me. I choose to be defined not by the work I do, but by what work I have done on myself to remain independent. 

I will pass this along to anyone who struggles with their own independence that if being independent means being alone or being single that it can feel even more lonely if you are with the wrong company, and that is a fact!

I only know from my own experience.  I have had my business for over 20 years now and I am NOT defined by that.  I am proud of what I have cultivated but also see that I have more to offer than my abilities to take care of my business and myself.  I often hear women being introduced as “so and so's wife or so and so’s mother”.  I have been introduced as “The owner of Future Hair Training Centre”.  It doesn’t offend me.  In fact, as a single independent woman it is a compliment.  I read a comment on the post I mentioned that was from a lady saying she was tired of being defined as a single woman.  One should not be defined by SINGLE OR DOUBLE OR COUPLE OR MARRIED OR DIVORCED ETC. ETC.

One wants to be defined by their actions, their own description of themselves or by their achievements.  Being single is tough because you must be independent and find your way through the day to day struggles of work, life, and socializing with the anxieties that may come with traveling and socializing on your own.  Being married or in a loving relationship with someone is tough because you will have expectations that perhaps “Together you are ONE”, that together your needs will be the same, therefore easier because you will both share the load but what happens when you both want a different load?  What if you change while married and your spouse doesn’t “approve”?  Sometimes people don’t change while in a relationship because they fear being judged by the spouse who believes they know him or her like the back of their hand.  We always change and evolve with the right people around us because the right people will keep us on our toes and make us confident in making good choices and decisions.  This is true of friends and lovers!

Where does this all leave us? Better to be single or married??  Is it possible to be both single and married, or single and in a relationship?  I think it’s up to us as individuals to live a life that is for us. 

Perhaps that means getting married and having children that you nurture and help to create adults that will go out and do the same or create a life for themselves that is completely different from you.  Maybe this means traveling the road less traveled, having adventures, falling in love and maintaining who you are while letting others into your life along the way. There must be a way to remain single while in a relationship.  I don’t suggest to always do everything your way. Not suggesting that by remaining single in a relationship that you do not compromise or skip the “give and take”.  What I am suggesting is that we do not use being single or otherwise as a definition of who we are.

If you do not want to be defined as someone's girlfriend or as a married or single person, simply make whatever you do count so much that you are always seen as an individual.  If you wake up every day defining who you are and feeling you are ready to take on the day- then you are SINGLE!

Whether you are married with ten children and have six grandchildren or whether you have never been on a date your entire life.  Seek out the love and adventure and success that drives you.  If you fall in love and someone is lucky enough to partake in your life, consider it magic.  Be proud, be strong in this world of phony and unreal reality. Be YOU in the world, not the online world but the world that allows you to be 100% depending on how you feel when you wake up as it will change every day. Someone will appreciate you as a single individual but only if you appreciate yourself.  This is something I know from experience as I am in the best relationship with the best man whom I love very much while committing to myself to be single and independent forever!

I want to know what you would be happy to have define you??  Is it being a professional, being a mother, being a wife, a single, a teacher, a sister, or all the above? How do you define yourself?